If and When
by fashiongirl97
Summary: Five years, five damn long years had passed since that night when her perfectly planned out life had all gone to pot in a matter of a few hours. Now, well, this is a day she never thought she would see. This is a day that might just end up surprising her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**_ Nashville isn't mine_

* * *

_**If and When**_

* * *

_Chapter 1_

* * *

Five years, five _damn_ long years had passed since that night when her perfectly planned out life had all gone to pot in a matter of a few hours. The night which had begun with a smile on her face and ended with her curled up in bed, tears rolling down her foundation covered cheeks, swollen lips and two rings lying in front of her. It was a night that she would never forget, the night when she received no 'good night' text messages from her daughters because they were so hurt.

Even now, looking back on that night there was a pang in her heart. A wonder of what if, because she could have made so many different decisions that night. But she didn't, she had made one and she had stuck to her guns and stayed with it for the past five years. Even after all the times when she had come so close to giving into temptation, and once or twice had done so.

The sky outside was darkening quickly, and the stars were slowly becoming visible just as the moon was too. Her eyes scanned over the neighbourhood that she had lived in for so long now. For some reason, she never had sold the house that she and Teddy had bought when they started their marriage, but maybe that was because her father still lived in the house that she had grown up in. Yet it was fast becoming a house which had out grown her family, and she knew that soon she would have to sell it. Truth be told it wasn't that which caused the problems, it was the question as to where it was that she would move to that was causing the biggest issue for her.

There was one house that kept coming back to her. But it wouldn't feel right, and someone else still owned it anyway.

Rayna walked over to her dressing table and looked in the mirror, sighing softly. She could not believe that tonight was the night that highway 65 records would celebrate its fifth anniversary. To some it may seem like such a small and insignificant amount of years, but it was a birthday that she had never expected her company to reach. The singer had bet everything on it being a success, and the God's had decided that it would be. The label that had started with her Scarlett and Will, had shrunk down to a low of two artists, and then grown.

After seeing Avery, Gunnar and Zoe perform she had signed them as a band – after talking to Juliette. Then, once the news about Will's sexuality had hit the press and Jeff had dropped him she'd picked him back up too, and now he was the poster boy for gay rights. He'd overcome so much scrutiny, and had to face almost worse that Scarlett had. But he had come back fighting and kept that charm that got him into everyone's hearts. The head had also finally gotten Deacon on her label. It had been a long conversation, which had taken place with a table separating them and Bucky on her side. But eventually they had decided that it was where he belonged.

On top of all of them, Rayna had signed a host of other artists too. Now her total was well over 20, and the label was one of the top in the country. She'd also managed to get Scarlett back too. The girl who was practically Rayna's niece had gone back to Old Mis' after her performance with Gunnar. But she had returned a couple of years later, a degree in hand and on Rayna's doorstep. As it turned out Scarlett had not only found herself, but she had also found a talent for writing number on singles. That was why she was now the main songwriter for highway 65.

Everything had slotted into place, just like it was meant to. But as Rayna sat there, applying her makeup ready for the celebration, she found her eyes being drawn to her left ring finger as they had been so many times over the last half decade. To a finger which no long held any man's ring. She'd spent three days hiding from the world after the proposal - ignoring anyone and everyone. Then she'd brushed herself off and tried to make it work, only a week later she had reached the startling realisation that she was tearing her family apart.

* * *

"_Hey sugar, what's goin' on?" Luke questioned, as he walked into her kitchen a week and a half after he had proposed. Rayna was stood in there, staring down at the monstrosity of diamonds and platinum that was on her left ring finger. It was vile, she completely despised it and the ring had already caused her scratch so many things since it had taken residence on her finger. _

"_We need to talk." She said, as she looked at the man in front of her. He may well get all his female fans fanning themselves, and he had done Rayna, but tonight he just wasn't doing anything for her. Soon in her kitchen with his cowboy hat on all she could think about was the looks on her daughters faces when she had gone to pick them up from Teddy's. They'd been sat in the living room, watching tv when she arrived, only for them to turn it off as soon as they saw her and tell her that they would not be returning back home as long as Luke was there. _

_That was the real reason why she couldn't marry him. That and Deacon, but mainly that. Rayna had spent so much of her career trying not to get her girls in the spotlight or lose the close bond they all shared. And in trying to fill the vacant gap in her family, she'd done everything she was trying not to do. _

"_That sounds ominous." He replied, sitting down on one of the barstools. As soon as Rayna removed her ring he tried to speak, but she stopped him. _

"_This is no one else's doing but mine. I can't marry you Luke, I just can't. The girls aren't happy and they have to be my priority, you have kids and you kno-"_

"_They'll adjust baby." He said, but she shook her head. _

"_I don't want to risk losing them because they won't. They will not step foot in this house anymore." He didn't know what to say, he simply ran a hand down his stubbed chin and waited for her to continue. "I guess, two stars don't necessarily make a moon, sometimes they just crash and burn."_

"_Sounds like a song." He said, looking at her. He was annoyed, hell he was fuming, but at the same time, he had expected it. In his mind it was a competition between him and Deacon, and Luke always knew he would come in second place. That was why he proposed in front of all her fans because he knew that she wouldn't say no. She wouldn't disappoint them. _

"_Maybe. Maybe it will be."_

"_Well the best songs come from broken hearts." He said, and she just smiled, nodding slightly. It was funny how things went around in a loop, it had all started on that Opry stage with her singing 'The Best Songs Come From Broken Hearts', and now it was back to that song as he quoted it. With that he left, not saying another word. Rayna saw how his posture was fixed, and she knew he was not only upset but angry too. She was just glad he took it so well. Or at least, seemed to take it so well._

* * *

As it turned out, Luke had made the announcement to the press the next day, and quoted Rayna when he said; two stars don't necessarily make a moon, sometimes they just crash and burn. It had been tastefully done, and so had hers. But both of them knew, even if they told the press it as a mutual decision it wasn't. This had been her doing, it was what she wanted.

The night after she had not slept though, because she'd still had one more ring to deal with.

That said ring was now around her neck on a chain, along with two tiffany hearts, both inscribed. One with the date Maddie was born and the other with the date Daphne was born. Rayna fingered the shining silver as she looked at her appearance. She had tried it on her ring finger so many times over the last five years, trying desperately to see if it felt right. But every time she was hit by the fear that in actual fact she didn't think she could do it anymore.

The night she had told Deacon had been harder, but he too had understood. There had been hope in his eyes when she said it, unlike in Luke's. Both knew that they'd get back to the point they were currently at one day. But when that would be neither of them knew.

* * *

"_Hey." She said, softly as she sat down in the park. It had been a week since she had given Luke the ring back, and two and a half since they both proposed. Now, the press had died down and she was trying to put her life back together. When she had told the girls they had instantly paced and returned to the house, and even Teddy had given her a smile and told her that he would prefer she 'marry Deacon than Luke'. Something which had shows just how much he disliked the other singer. _

"_Hey." Deacon replied as he looked at her. She looked like she hadn't truly slept in months, but she looked better than she had the night he had turned up , kissed her and then left. "I'm sorry-"_

"_Don't even lie Deacon." She responded, a smirk playing on her lips. He wasn't sorry that she and Luke had finished in fact if he still drunk then she was sure he'd have opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate. _

"_Why am I here Ray?" He questioned, and that was when she pulled the simple silver engagement ring out of her pocket and spun it round on her finger. He felt his heart beat faster as he wondered what was going to happen. "I'm not taking it back." He stated, because even if she didn't want to marry him ever, he wouldn't take it back. It was her ring, it had been bought for her and he would never give it to another woman. _

"_I'm not giving you it back either." She had said, and he felt hope running through his veins. "But I'm also not going to put it on my finger." He turned his head at that, and furrowed his brow in confusion. She thought he looked adorable as he sat there, but she wouldn't tell him that. It would only make her want to kiss him even more and that in its self was a terrible idea. "I've thought about this long and hard. I haven't slept all week because I've been trying to figure out what is the right thing to do. What's the right thing for me? For you? For Maddie? For Daphne? For highway 65? And I realised that I didn't know."_

"_You telling me you called me here to tell me you 'don't know' Ray?" He questioned, slightly agitated. _

"_No, I'm here to tell you that I want you in my life, I want you in Maddie's life. I want you at the dinner table at least once a week, and I want guitar lessons to taken place every minute of every day. I want them to see you and think of you as their father as much as they do Teddy." _

"_What are you going to think of me as Rayna?"_

"That_ is the part I don't know." She looked at the ring, the way it shined in the sun and the way the silver reflected the green of the trees which surrounded them. "I think I need time Deacon. I seem to have spent so long being half of Rayna and Deacon, being Mrs Teddy Conrad, being the girlfriend of Luke Wheeler; that I haven't spent anytime just being Rayna."_

"_I'll give you as much time as you want Ray."_

"_Even if it is years?" She questioned, and as he looked at her he knew she wasn't exaggerating._

"_Yeah, even if it is years. But only as long as you keep that ring." He'd answered. Right there and then in front of him she had unclasped the necklace with the two heart shaped charms on it and added his ring to it. It might not be on her finger, but it was next to her heart, and that was a step forward in his eyes._

* * *

Rayna stood up and shrugged off the robe that covered her dress. The party was black tie, something which she had begrudgingly agreed to when Tandy suggested it. Her dress was simple, strapless, long, fitted and silver with just enough glitter to be elegant but not garish. The skirt of it went out a little and floated around her feet which were clad – for once – not in cowboy boots but in strappy silver heels.

Rayna sat down and began o put her earrings in. "You nearly ready?" Tandy questioned, from the door. Her sister looked stunning. Her dress was black, halter neck and fitted at the top before going into a long and floaty skirt with a split up to her knee. At her waste was a gold belt which matched the gold bangle around her wrist. Tandy's hair had stayed short, and the whole ensemble looked elegant.

"Nearly, can y'all give me five minutes. I'm still just getting my head together." Tandy was well aware of how hard the past five years had been on her sister, but she also knew that she was a lot happier in herself recently. Rayna had found where she wanted to be, and was doing what she wanted. She was still rebasing albums, but the tours were smaller, fewer and further between. They were always sold out.

"Sure, we'll be down stairs." And with that Tandy disappeared once more. 'we'; Rayna smiled at that. After years of dancing around one another, a year ago Bucky and Tandy had finally got it together and tied the knot. It had been a small ceremony, on the beach in the Maldives', with just twenty guests there to congratulate them.

Rayna had never seen her sister happier than she currently was. However, she was also a little jealous too, yet she had no one but herself to blame for that. And that was something she had come to terms with a long time ago. Thankfully, though, she had gotten the strong bond with her daughters back.

Rayna closed the lid on her thoughts and looked in the mirror. She felt old, visibly she had barely aged, but the singer felt like she had. Every year there was some new, young, attractive singer trying to nudge her off the top spot. Just like Juliette Barnes, some of them stuck it out, but like Layla Grant some of them burnt bright for a little while then fizzled out once more. But Rayna had miraculously managed to stay there.

Sometimes though, after what was around 30 years in the industry, she wondered how much longer it would have her for.

Standing up the auburn haired singer took in her appearance and decided that she could not turn back the hands of time and reduce its effect on her body, so she could do nothing more to her appearance. With that she grabbed her silver clutch bag and left the room, turning off the light as she did so.

* * *

"You look amazing babe." Tandy said, as her sister walked down the stairs, looking like an angel in silver. Rayna blushed a little and told her sister that she too looked amazing. Bucky just stood there, grinning from ear to ear as he was surrounded by his wife and the woman who meant an awful lot to him. Who now he could call family.

"I'm really proud of you Ray." Bucky said as he hugged her, she just smiled. He had been there for her through everything, and even when she had risked everything because she was too damn stubborn he never walked away – not even once. He'd seen her at her high, performing on stage and at the peak of her career. But he had also seen her when she turned up knocking on his hotel room door in the middle of the night; not having slept in months and crying because she had gotten a call that Deacon had been arrested again. Recently, he'd been pleased to see that it was a smile which more often than not graced her features.

"I never thought I'd still be stood here after 30 years Bucky. I _never _thought that Highway 65 would still be going. That is for sure." She said, as she smiled at the two people in front of her. Maddie had decided that she and Daphne would get ready at Deacon's house with Scarlett. It seemed that her daughters had taken quite a liking to Scarlett since she had returned to Nashville, and these days it was hard to keep up with where they were. Both of them had grown up so much, and were growing up more and more with every day that passed her by.

Rayna had told them a limo would pick them up from their house, and told Deacon to make sure that they weren't late. The poor guy had looked so pleased when he told her they were getting ready at his house. He didn't, however, know what he was letting himself in for. He had thought it bad enough when he had turned up an hour before Maddie left for her prom and she was still having her hair done. That was a day on which Rayna had cried her eyes out. As Maddie left the house in a Cinderella dress with a princess smile, and Talia by her side.

Now her girls didn't need her there to tell them how to apply their makeup.

"You beat them all Ray, you beat Jeff." She smiled at Bucky's comment, Jeff had not lasted long after he fired Will Lexington, after all he had lost the three biggest selling artists in Edgehill. _Hell_ she had actually preferred _Marshall_ to Jeff and that was saying something. Especially after every trick he had pulled, after he had badgered her for a 'greatest hits' CD and gotten her to go on tour with Lil' Miss Sparkly Pants.

Soon though, Tandy was ushering them out the door, telling Bucky how he gossiped like a woman and Rayna how she couldn't be late for her own party. As Rayna stood there locking up the house she cast her eyes up to the stars. Just as she always did, she looked for the brightest one she could find, and silently spoke to her mother, telling her how much she wished she was there.

It had taken her years to visit her father's grave, but on the third anniversary of his death she finally went. Part of her would always be angry at him, but part of her had come to terms with things too. She had decided that after she lied to Maddie and Deacon for fourteen years, she was no better. Rayna may have forgiven him, but the money he had left her would always remain in a trust fund somewhere, she'd give it to her daughters if they ever needed it.

Forgiveness didn't mean forgetting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer **_Nashville isn't mine_

* * *

_**If and When**_

_Chapter 2_

* * *

Rayna walked into the large house that was now home to Highway 65 records. She'd always said she wanted her label to be a refuge for artists; it was not longer just a metaphor. Just over a year ago, after she had managed to pay off the money she owed to the bank, she had realised that the label brought in enough money to cover having its own 'home'. It was a large place about a mile outside of the city. Set in amongst the countryside with not much around for miles, it really was perfect.

When she'd taken Tandy to see it, Rayna had barely concealed her laughter at her sister's utter disgust. The place was run down, dusty, and completely overgrown, which was the only reason Rayna could afford it. But the singer had contacted a surveyor and had them check the building out and it was structurally sound. So, ignoring her sister's advice – as she did too often – she bought the place. Builders had come in and fixed the main problems; dealt with the internal walls that Rayna wanted ripping down, and then Rayna had hosted a paint party. The whole party had basically been an excuse to get all her artists to paint the house from top to bottom.

It was finished now. The rooms were filled with second hand furniture, worn sofas and distressed wood. The walls were all painted in warm colours and if you visited during the winter then you would always find a fire burning in the heart of the house. All of the bedrooms had been converted into either writing rooms or into conference rooms. Rayna was pretty sure it was the promise of writing and playing in such a beautiful place that had made most of her artists sign as oppose to her award winning speech.

It was everything that her label stood for.

Now, as she walked into the beautiful old house it felt like a home away from home. It was a place that she had spent so much of her time in over the last year since she had bought it. There were numerous nights when she had slept on one of the old couched because she herself had been writing or dealing with the press. In fact, she had her suspicions that Bucky had spent more time in the building that she had. Although his job title was as her manager, he also managed over half of the artists at the label. She didn't know what she'd do without him.

All the people who were associated with the label were gathered in the building, all the people that had guided and supported her in what some had thought was idiotic were now smiling because they had been proved right. There were also the people she had begrudgingly had to communicate with – like all the many men in suits who had played the head of Edgehill for however long. But tonight, well it was her night and she wasn't going to let anyone ruin it. Not even if Jeff turned up, but she doubted he would.

Rayna looked around, she felt proud. This was all hers, it was something she had dreamt of, and now it was real. She wished her mother could see it, Rayna thought it was the sort of label that her mother would have approved of. Where there are no creative restraints. However, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew her father would be proud of her too. She knew that he would respect her for what she was doing, and that was something that made her surprisingly happy.

Rayna smiled at the sight of Daphne and Maddie stood over in the corner. Maddie was 19 now, and Rayna had never been prouder of her. After her little hiccup when it came to school she'd knuckled down and done better than any of them had imagined. Rayna was so proud when Maddie told her that she had been accepted into the University of Memphis to do Recording technology.

Rayna had never pressured her children into going to University, hell she'd never even finished high school, but it had been Maddie's choice. She'd grown up an awful lot. One day, about a year after the proposal chaos, Maddie had gone to visit Deacon whilst he was recording his album. She'd sat listening with Avery who was recording the album for him, and that was when she had decided she wanted to know more about it.

Maddie had grown up in a world of glitz and glamour, but recently, she'd realised not everyone made it – thanks to Scarlett – and so she needed a backup plan. Being a producer was that. She was working on her own album now, she and Daphne had managed to let Rayna allow them both to do a few shows together, even though Daphne had yet to leave school.

Daphne, Rayna smiled at the sight of her youngest. Daphne had not changed a bit, she was still hyper, still smiling none stop and still singing her heart out. But her time was something that was divided equally between singing and cooking these days. Rayna was glad that there was someone in the house who could cook, because she couldn't. That was something her daughter got from Teddy.

The singer walked over and smiled as both of her daughters hugged her. Maddie lived away from home now, and even though Rayna saw her practically every weekend, it was never enough. She always felt like her daughter was growing up too fast, like she was missing out. But she knew she couldn't stop her. And Daphne, well, she was never going to change.

"Hey mum." Maddie smiled, looking at her mother. "You look gorgeous!" Maddie was dressed in a cream lace dress with a dipped hem so that it was just above her knees at the front and floor length at the back. There was a brown belt around her waist, and lace that clung to her arms. Maddie's hair was still long and curly, and her makeup was more natural these days, something Rayna was glad to see.

"So do you honey, you look so grown up!" Rayna commented, Daphne rolled her eyes at the glazing over of her mother's eyes, and in return was playfully swatted. "So, how did getting ready at Deacon's house go?"

"Erg, he was like asking us if we were ready _every _two minutes!" Daphne moaned as she looked at her mother. The little girl whose hair had been long and blonde was now replaced by a teenager who had exactly the same attitude, but shorter cropped hair. The front had a large fringe, and one side was slightly longer. Rayna had let Daphne go to the hairdressers alone, and had nearly fainted when she saw the result. But as she had grown accustomed to the new style, she realised that it suited her. It was more practical for cooking, or at least that was what Rayna had been told.

Now her youngest stood there in a very pale blue jump suit, with a floaty trouser part and a strappy top, all pulled in at the waist with a silver belt. Rayna smiled at the outfit. Both her girls looked amazing, and she felt so proud of them. The fact they both had sensible heads on their shoulders and back up plans if music went wrong, it was a reassurance.

"He was terrified by all the makeup and mess." Maddie said, shaking her head and making Rayna laugh out loud. "He picked up my eyelash curlers and had the most hilarious look on his face!"

"Hey, I did not! I just . . . wondered what they were for!" Deacon said, appearing out of nowhere. Rayna looked at him and smiled, instantly reminded how handsome he looked in a suit, something which caused butterflies in her stomach. He looked healthier than ever, there were only a couple more lines on his face than there had been five years ago. Age suited him, his hair didn't have a grey strand in it and Rayna envied him.

"You toured with mum for how long? And you never once saw eyelash curlers?" Maddie questioned, raising an eyebrow. Maddie and Deacon had a relationship now that was better than ever. But at the same time, she'd managed to repair her relationship with Teddy too. Something that made family gatherings a heck of a lot easier than they had once been. It had even got to the stage where both Deacon and teddy could be civilised and polite – something which never ceased to amaze Rayna.

"You're mama used to kick me out every time that swarm of makeup and hair people arrived. Apparently I distracted them all-"

"Well when you decide you're gonna change your shirt whilst in a room filled with women what else do you expect?!" Rayna laughed, smiling at the memory. "It was because of you that they burnt my neck with the curling tongs."

Daphne and Maddie were both laughing. Neither had lost their sense of humour despite everything that had been thrown at them in their short lives. And even though there was such an age difference between the two, Daphne and Maddie were still extremely close. Closer than Rayna and Tandy had ever been, even before their mother's death. They weren't just sisters but best friends too. "I apologised for that!" Deacon said defensively. Rayna remembered just _how _he had apologised for the burn on her neck. And she also remembered just what that apology had lead to – something she bashed herself for thinking about when the man in question _and _her children were stood near her.

"Yeah, I remember." She commented, and he gave her a small smirk that told her he remembered exactly what she did. Their flirtatious friendship had come back recently. The little comments, looks, inside jokes that only they understood. Her finding herself had been hard for him to swallow if he was honest. Rayna was the most confident woman he knew; she worked a stage like most people could never even imagine, and managed the press like they were naughty school children. So he'd not understood what she meant. Not understood why she stopped drinking and improved her health. Or why her music suddenly became a whole lot more country like it had originally been. Not understood her need for years to find someone he already knew.

Then, a couple of months ago they'd all been at a family meal; Teddy and his new wife, along with his step children, Tandy and Bucky, Maddie, Daphne, Deacon and Rayna. They had all gathered around a table and just talked, and out of the corner of his eye he'd watched her. Mainly at first because of the emerald green dress she was wearing that complemented her perfectly. But then because he saw something different in her. Instead of just looking at Rayna, he saw her. He saw the twinkle in her eyes, the lack of stress in her shoulders and the smile on her face that fell comfortably there even when everyone else was talking about something she didn't understand. He'd seen the change.

He'd seen Rayna.

Sat at that table wasn't Rayna Jaymes the country music queen, neither was it Rayna Wyatt whose father had practically owned Nashville. It wasn't Rayna Conrad who had stood at the sides when her husband ran for mayor. It was just _Rayna. _The same Ray who he had met at the bluebird well over twenty years ago, wearing cowboy boots that cost more than his yearly rent had. But then again, it wasn't. Because she was older, and wiser, and yet all the same.

He had finally understood why she said no. Because if she hadn't then he would have been with a woman who did not know who she was, and so did not know how to love someone else. So that evening, stood in a room full of women all dressed up to the nines, it was her he couldn't take his eyes off. Her, as she stood talking with her children – their children, because he thought of Daphne as his own – that his heart pained for her. Five years had done nothing to erase the way he felt about her.

A million years wouldn't.

"Five years. Who would have thought that we would manage to work together for five years and not kill each other?" Said Juliette as she walked over to the woman who was the head of her label, but whom also, she silently considered a friend. The blonde was no different in many senses. She and Avery were still working things out – mainly because both were too stubborn to back down. Juliette's dresses were no longer, her temper no less fiery, and her music no less controversial. Although Rayna had managed to persuade her that a repeat of 'Don't put Dirt on my Grave Just yet' was not a good idea at all. . .

"I can't say I haven't thought about it once or twice though." Rayna said with a smile. There would always be a competitiveness between them, but there was a friendship too, and a mutual respect. There was also a bond because of how much of a part Juliette played in Maddie's life. Even now, it was Rayna's eldest daughter who moved over to the singer first for a hug. The relationship had scared the Queen of country at first – after all to most Juliette would not be a good idol in the opinion of many people. But something about her brought the life out of Maddie and Rayna would not deny that.

So, as that evening carried on, people swarmed to the woman who had brought the label up from the ground. And she got pulled further and further away from Deacon. He, however, never lost sight of her in the crowd. He auburn locks contrasting with everyone else around her. It wasn't long before people started taking to the microphone: Juliette to sing her latest single, and thank Rayna before being 'like a mother' to her. A comment, that shocked Juliette to say as much as it shocked Rayna to hear. Neither would ever be quite sure if the only reason it fell from her scarlet lips was for the press to fawn over.

Then there were numerous others, Avery with Gunner and Zoe, and all the other artists Rayna had accumulated over the years. Then there was Deacon, and he took the stage with Maddie and Daphne to sing 'Believing' and that made everyone stop. As the chords rang out and the harmonies began Rayna found she was stood beside Scarlett, her very own number one writing machine. The singer wrapped her arm around the girl who was practically her niece.

"There is something special about singing your own song, playing the music to it, and everyone understanding just what you are saying." Scarlett said as she stood next to Rayna. Her hair was still long and wavy, and tonight was left loose. The stylists had been called off years ago now. And Rayna had let the girl be who she was – all the lipstick, high heels and glitter wasn't her. It was the pretty floral dresses, boots and long waves that gave Scarlett her individuality. And Rayna had grown to respect that.

"Is that you trying to tell me you want the stage again?" Rayna questioned, turning her head from the small stage where the people closest to her were, and looking at the blonde. Scarlett's wide eyes stared back at her, and even after all these years there was still confusion in them when it came to singing. Confusion and fear. The last time had scarred her, and the demons were still there. Rayna had never pushed her to decide, and Scarlett had never wanted her too.

"I don't know." She said softly, turning to look at where her uncle and cousins were. "I guess I miss the feeling, you know, when everyone in the room is feeling just how you are. When they realise that they understand your story or can relate."Rayna let her mind swim with the words mixed with the singing. She knew exactly what Scarlett meant, she knew because that was why she loved the Bluebird and other venues which were smaller. The song had nearly ended when Scarlett spoke again. "Maybe I could test the waters? Do some smaller shows?"

"If you wanted I'd have it booked in for tomorrow night darlin', I've always said it's yours when you're ready." Rayna's warm smile and voice made her feel like she was stood with her mother. And in some ways – in many ways – over the last five years Rayna had mothered Scarlett.

"I think I'm ready." Scarlett said, and Rayna squeezed her tight.

"I'll talk with Bucky, see about you and Maddie doing a night at the bluebird."

"I'd like that."

The next chapter of Scarlett's life began that night. Stood in a room filled with people she was proud to know and have worked with. Stood by the woman she had worshipped for years. And as the final chords rang out, Rayna realised that maybe she was ready to. She realised that she had found herself a while ago, and that it was fear that had kept her from taking the next step. As she looked at her daughters and Deacon on stage, with Scarlett by her side, in a building that was her miniature empire. She realised that maybe, just maybe, it was time for her too to test the waters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer **_Nashville is not mine_

* * *

_**If and When**_

_Chapter 3_

* * *

Rayna smiled as she stood on that small stage, she'd decided that tonight was about them, all of them who were the ones going out there and spreading the word about their label. So she didn't sing, she just smiled and spoke to them like they part of her family. This label had never been about her wanting to do what the hell she wanted when it came to her music. It had been about her wanting to help others; it had been about her nurturing young artists.

"Five years!" She said with a look of pure be-wonderment on her face, and they all laughed. She looked at the sea of faces; to some of them this building was home, to some of them it was the place where they were creative and worked. But to others, she was just another label head, the competition. "Five years of working with Juliette Barnes!" Everyone laughed, and Juliette just shot her a sickly sweet smile. "I never thought that Highway 65 would leave my kitchen, never thought that it would get here. That it would have its own little palace, and over twenty princes and princesses running around it. But I can't take the credit, it's here because of y'all who sing ya hearts out every night and put on the show of your lives, it's about y'all who make others want to join this label. Y'all who spread the word and make people come and ask me I they can audition. It's also down to the god and goddess who make the decisions I don't have a faintest clue about. Here is to Bucky and Tandy, here is to Highway 65; here is to another five years!"

She left the room after the speech, she'd said enough to make them talk, and passed the attention on over to her sister and manager. People left her alone just long enough for her leave the building that she had bought when it was a rundown old place. And escape into the moonlight outside. Into the fresh country air. The singer walked the small path in the garden that Scarlett had designed. It was a place filled with small alcoves, benches and places of serene beauty. You could be as close to the house as you wanted or as far away.

Tonight Rayna went to her favourite spot. It was a white bench which sat under a rose bush arch with its back to the house. Rayna took a seat and placed her elbows on her knees, and looked away out towards the horizon. There was not much out here; they were in the middle of nowhere, the city behind them, and the country in front. Miles upon miles of farmland rolling out for further than the eye could see. The horizon was only dotted with the silhouette of trees and old farm buildings. Other than that there was no trace of human life.

It was one of the many reasons she had fallen for this place, the reason that she had loved it when she first pulled up in her SUV what seemed a lifetime ago. This was a place where thoughts roamed free, she could write, and sing and play around with ideas that no one else would ever know about. It was perfect. It was a place she had since contemplated many things in her life. Things that she otherwise would have struggled to decide. Now it was being used again for that purpose.

Rayna looked out, the feeling of the cool breeze hitting her flushed skin caused a shiver to run down her spine. Inside everyone was celebrating, and she was happy too- but then she thought about how she had felt when Scarlett spoke. A niggling feeling in the back of her mind. In her heart. Was she ready to dip her toes in the water again too? Was she ready to think about moving the ring from around her neck to her left finger?

If Deacon asked her again, she knew what she'd said, she didn't have the excuse that she was finding herself anymore. She knew that he had seen the change, she also knew that he was a hundred times the man he had been the very first time he proposed. The time she had said 'yes' in a heartbeat only to find herself being lied to. The man he was now . . . well she had never thought that she could love him more. But now, every time she saw him with Maddie or Daphne, she loved him more and more and more. Simply because it was a sight she treasured, it was something she had never once even let herself imagine would be playing out before her very own eyes.

Daddy Deacon . . .

Minutes passed, and then she heard the sound of footsteps. The sound of shoes on the gravel path that lead to where she was. The singer didn't need to look up to know who it was though, there was only one person who would have known where she was going, or even noticed that she had gone in a room full of people. He had never sat out here with her, but somehow he had always had an uncanny ability to know just where she went when she needed to breathe. When she needed to escape the glitz, glamour and flashes of cameras. Whether it be escaping to the cabin after a show or coming to a small bench outside.

He'd always arrived.

Now was no different. Deacon was silent as he sat down beside her, but she felt is eyes on her. The moon was not the only source of light; there were small candles that were dotted all around the garden, illuminating the paths to stop people from walking on the grass or the perfectly planted borders of roses, and a range of other bright flowers.

The warm light made her hair look even more on fire; he'd always loved her hair. The way that it was bold like she was, the way that it matched her attitude and temper perfectly. In the years they were apart, when she was married to Teddy and he was simply _just _in her band, he'd always gone for blonde's or brunettes. Never had he gone for someone who had auburn hair, because if he did then she would only ever be compared to Rayna. At least with the others he wouldn't wake up in the morning, see the hair and think that maybe she had returned to him. Only for the woman to turn over and him to be disappointed.

That evening, he thought she looked stunning. Her change of life style hadn't made her lose tonnes of weight, she'd never be large to begin with, and he was pleased to see she hadn't become one of those super skinny stick and bone women. Instead, it had just made her look healthy. Made her face have colour in it, her skin look vibrant and her eyes clear.

Then there was her dress, but that was something he was desperately trying not to let his eyes linger on. Because if he did, then he would ruin everything that they had delicately and purposefully built up over the last five years. Simply because of _that _dress.

"I thought you would inside enjoying the party." He said, and Rayna turned to look at him, her eyes lingering on his appearance. Deacon looked like Deacon always had. His suit was black, and shirt white. His hair was in a style which had never changed, and even at a black tie event he still had a light dusting of stubble. But she would never moan at him for it, because it suited him, it always had. He was one of the few men that could pull off permanent stubble without looking like they hadn't been home in a week.

"I needed to get some air." She said, looking down at her hands and nails; running a finger over the smooth coating of varnish that covered every nail. "You guys were real good." Rayna said, a smile playing on her face and a warmth rising inside her as she recalled the performance she had witnessed only minutes ago. The harmonies of her daughters mixing with those of the man she had loved for what was scarily nearing thirty years. It was a sight that would only ever be knocked off of the top spot by the time they all sang 'A Life That's Good' five years ago. The day she realised that maybe there was a future for them as a family, even if she and Deacon weren't together.

"Thanks, those girls are somethin' else though. Maddie and her guitar, Daphne and her voice. Damn Ray, they're goin' to be some stiff competition for you!" Deacon said; a smile on his lips too. When it came to spending time with Maddie and Daphne, every moment was a gift he had never dreamt that he would get. Every moment he got to sing with them, or just curl up on the sofa with them was a miracle. Because, even if Daphne wasn't his own flesh and blood, she was still a daughter to him. Not once had he even considered all those years ago that he would one day have the life he wrote about.

"I don't mind handing my crown over to those two." Rayna said. She knew that one day there would come the time when she had to step down from singing, when she had to retire. But if it was her daughters that took her place, then she would not do so begrudgingly. She would always have a legacy; that was something that she had learnt recently. Between her and George Strait, country had never had a finer King and Queen. Or at least that was what the magazines said. But even he was slowing down now, and it had made her realise that she too would have to one day.

But that wasn't going to be just yet. She still had a hell of a lot more number ones left in her yet.

"Where were you and Scarlett talking about?" He questioned, as he turned to look at her, gazing up at the moon and stars above. He wondered if she thought of her mother when she looked up at them. It seemed like they both had someone watching over them these days.

"She thinks she is ready; to start singing again, but only the smaller venues." Rayna said, turning to look at Deacon. She saw the worry etched in his face at the thought of Scarlett going back in the limelight. It had been hard on him last time, hard because Scarlett was so much more than a niece to him. He had been the one who looked out for her when she came to Nashville, and she had been the one to be there for him after the accident. "I said I'd talk to Bucky about her and Maddie doing a couple of shows together at the bluebird. I've been thinking that Maddie needs to get her music known around Nashville before she releases anything."

It had been hard to accept that their daughter was going to be in the public eye. Hard to accept that she was going to have to deal with all the horrid things that they had had to deal with when they were starting out. But Maddie was lucky, because she had two people there who would endlessly provide advice, help and support to her through it all. Two more people than they had had. "That sounds like a good idea." Deacon said, slightly reassured that she would only be playing the bluebird and that Maddie would be by her side. Maddie and Scarlett got on well, and Maddie was a whole lot stronger than anyone gave her credit for being. If she was there for Scarlett, then Deacon knew that his niece and his daughter would both be okay.

"It got me thinking. If she is ready to face her demons, then maybe I'm ready. Maybe I'm ready to face my fear." She said, sitting up and looking at him. Deacon didn't dare hope that she meant the two of them together. He had waited five years, but he would happily wait another fifteen if it meant that he got her in the end. "If I'm honest, then I found myself a while ago, I've just been scared . . ." She said, as she looked away.

Deacon took her hand and squeezed it softly. "Are you scared of me, Ray?" He asked hesitantly. But she shook her head, and he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He knew he had hurt her a lot, but he hoped and prayed that she had never been scared of _him_ before.

"I'm scared of 'us'." She clarified, looking up at the stars once more. He saw that her eyes had glazed over, and he felt himself wanting to pull her in and hug her, but she needed to speak – he understood that. "Every time we've been together, we've ended up hurting one another. You hurt me with the drink, I hurt you with Teddy, I hurt you with Maddie, and the crash . . . It seems like every time we are together, something terrible happens, Deacon. And I don't think I can –"He watched her blink a few time, trying to get rid of the tears that were threatening to spill. "I don't think I can cope with that pain again." She turned to look at him, and he too had glazed over eyes.

"I don't know what to say Ray. I mean, everything is different now, and maybe, maybe we are both finally the people that the other one needs." She spun to look at him face on, he was still holding her hand, and neither one wanted him to stop. "I love you Rayna Jaymes, I always have."

Rayna moved her hand then, and undid the claps on the chain where the ring sat. Just has he had the day she put it on there, that evening he felt like she was going to give him it back. He thought she was going to give up on them, like in finding herself she had found out that it wasn't him she wanted. Rayna placed the chain back around her neck, and looked at the ring in her hand, the simple elegant ring that contrasted so much to the one that had been on her finger the day he first gave it her back.

"I've told ya Ray, I don't want it back. It's yours, whether it's on your finger or not." But still she held it out for him. Still she held it out and placed it in his hand. "Rayna-"

"I think I'm ready, to dip my toes in. To find out if the sharks are still there or if they've gone." His face was a picture of confusion, his brow furrowed. "How about we take it slow, get to know the people we are now, and not the ones we were over twenty years ago. Then, maybe when the time is right you could ask me that question again." There was a smile on her face when her eyes caught his. When her eyes caught those that were filled with pure joy, surprise, amazement. She knew she had surprised him, truth be told she had surprised herself.

When she woke up that moment he had not planned on sitting outside on a bench with Deacon Clayborne and telling him that she wanted to give it another go. She had barely even thought about the ring around her neck. It was just part of the last five years that she had still yet to figure out. But now, as she looked in his eyes she knew that what she had just said was what she needed to. It didn't matter if she waited another month, another year or even another ten years. She'd always love him, simply because she always had. Between them nothing had changed in that sense. And yet everything had changed.

"You're sure?" He asked her, and Rayna couldn't help but laugh. She practically wrote songs for a living, they both did, but she had learnt that sometimes saying something just isn't enough. So she did something brave, did something that she had certainly not imagined she would do that morning. Rayna cupped his face, and ran a finger over his stubble, loving the feeling of it tickling her finger. Then, she looked deep in his eyes and said:

"I'm sure." She moved in, and kissed him ever so softly that he barely even believed her lips had touched his. But it was enough to make him close his eyes and believe her. "I love you Deacon Clayborne; that has never not been true." She said, repeating the words she had said all those years ago when she turned up on his doorstep and kissed him senseless when she was meant to be flying to Saint Lucia with Liam.

The smile on his face was enough to make all her doubts fade for a moment at least. And with that, they had sad all that they needed to. All the words between them had been spoken at some point in time. So he did the only thing left to do, he leant in, cupped her face, and kissed her back, this time with more passion. Silently telling one another that this time they would fight to make it work. There were no secrets between them, no demons hiding in the shadows that they couldn't face.

This time around, they had two amazing reasons to make it work.

Maddie and Daphne.

* * *

_Do I continue or leave it here?_


End file.
